We all experience failures. We know that we are flawed. Our faults seem to stand out glaringly in life. Sometimes, we can be entirely too hard on ourselves.
One of my children is that way. She is a natural perfectionist and has always had extremely high expectations of herself. She beats herself up for the slightest mistakes. My goal is to help her learn how to not be so hard on herself. I haven't always responded with the grace and gentleness that this guidance should have.
We had one of these small situations come up today and it got me to thinking about how hard I've been on myself in the past. How many times have I allowed negative thoughts and self-beratement follow a failure or the pointing out of a flaw or fault? Way too many to count! However, I now don't let myself get lost in the negativity.
What's changed? A few things.
(1) First, I've learned to recognize and root out shame. A study I completed in 2017 defined shame in a such a succinct way I understood it more fully than I had every before. To paraphrase, shame is a belief that there is something inherently wrong with you that can't ever be fixed or cured. That if others knew you, really knew you to the core, all the things you've done or thought, they would reject you.
There is no hope in shame. There is no deep down joy in shame. There is no confidence in shame. There is no freedom in shame.
When you're able to break free of shame (which often takes a bit of promise and definitely takes a willingness to be COMPLETELY transparent and vulnerable with at least one God-grounded, trusted person), you no longer beat yourself up over your flaws, failures, and faults. You realize these are all a part of being human and you are no less valuable or worthy of God's love than anyone else.
(2) Second, I have learned to be more intentional about taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to the Lord and what He desires me to think about. This is sometimes a daily battle and I can't do it on my own strength, but it's a choice that transforms my thinking, which impacts everything we say and do.
(3) Third (not lastly, but I'll leave it here), I spend a lot of time with God. Reading His word and soaking it in. Memorizing it. Meditating on it. Discussing it. And talking with Him. Spending time crying out with my doubts, discouragements, and distress. Laying it all in His very capable hands and trusting Him with it all. Then listening.
I think this is the most difficult part of our relationship with God. Getting quiet and still enough to hear from Him. There is so much in this world distracting us with information and noise (sometimes just in our head) that hinders our ability to hear that soft, gentle voice and guidance in our spirit by the Spirit. God is always communicating with us and shame (and other pain, ideas, and beliefs) blocks or filters His messages to us. In spending both quality and a quantity of time with the Lord, we will learn to hear Him and live in the truths of His love, healing, and redemption of every aspect of our lives.
How has God used your flaws, failures, or faults to grow you and teach you?
What's your story in how God has released you from the shame this world tends to heap on?
