How to Love Your Neighbor - Part 2

Love.

It's a word we hear often. It gets floated around constantly.

We love food, outfits, family, TV shows, friends, ideas, places.... The list could go on and on. In some languages there are different words to reveal different meanings of love, but in good ole' English, we just have one. Therefore, our love of fictional characters, apple pie, a sports team, our husband, children, and God get the same word. This seems wrong to me. Even though I've used the word love in each of these cases, plus many more. (Maybe we should start using those different words again, or make up our own.)

The word love also gets misused regularly. People use this word to lie and get what they want. To get ahead. To misuse someone. As an excuse to enable someone in sin. Or put blanket approval on things that are abhorant to a holy God.

"God is love and He loves everyone," is a prominent saying. While this is true, God's love is a perfect and holy love that's always for our good, even if that means disciplining us. I think, perhaps, we don't read enough of the Old Testament, of the Prophets, or maybe just not enough of Romans, to understand the full definition of God's love.

God's love is a perfect and holy love that is always for our good, even if that means disciplining us. Click to tweet

Only through continual abiding in God's Word and presence can we understand what He means when He commands us to love.

I feel like I've been going down a rabbit trail before actually getting to today's focus, but before we can talk about how to love our neighbor, it's important to understand who God says is our neighbor and what God means by love.

In the verse where God commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves (which is also found in the Old Testament), the word used is "agapao." Agapao is a social or moral love. A love not prompted by gooey feelings or mutual benefit, but a love of another person created in God's image simply because God created that person in His image. Just like He did me. Just like He did you.

God calls us to love others because He loves each one of us the same and we each have the same value to Him. Click to tweet

So how do we love others?


Our spouse...our children...our parents...our siblings...our in-laws...our church family...our geographical neighbors...our friends...strangers...homeless children on the other side of the world...homeless alcoholics in our cities...the difficult co-worker...

How do we love others - no matter whether they're in our lives for 5 minutes or 50 years - no matter whether they're easy to love or difficult?

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter, and I think has more answers on how to love than we realize. Okay, maybe it's just me. Or maybe not. As I look around me, observation tells me many others have just as many problems putting biblical love into action as I do. Thus, this series.

As much as I hoped to get to the first "way" of loving a neighbor today, I think we've covered enough. I pray that you will pray for me and with me, as I will for you, as we dive into God's Word and truly open ourselves to what He has to say about love. And surrendering our flesh and it's desires to put those words into action.

So join me again on Monday, for the next post on the first "way" God calls us to love.

(Hint: "Love is patient...")

How do we love others - no matter whether they're in our lives for 5 minutes or 50 years? Click to tweet

How do we love others - no matter whether they're easy to love or difficult? Click to tweet

How to Love Your Neighbor - Part 1

Who's my neighbor?

Welcome to this new series on my blog! I'm so glad you're here and hope you'll take a  moment to say
"hi." This new series is simply inspired by God and some questions I believe He prompted me to ask myself. My brain is always going, and this time I'm actually getting some of these thoughts down on paper (er, computer). I hope they are a blessing to you and draw you closer to the Lord.

Who is my neighbor? And how do I love them? Click to tweet

This question - who is my neighbor - was asked by a lawyer to Jesus. He was trying to justify himself to the Lord. (Notice how this never worked? Wait. Don't we do the same? Gulp. Okay, moving on.)

The man wanted to know who he was supposed to love. He was looking to earn his way into heaven and seemed okay with the greatest commandments of loving God and loving his neighbor. But I'm guessing he felt his neighbor didn't include EVERYONE.

I've always wondered about Jesus' answer to this quesion - who is my neighbor. He tells a story about a man beaten and robbed, who ignored the injured man, and who helped him. Then Jesus asks, "Who do you think proved to be a neighbor?" (paraphrased) It seems like Jesus would have focused on the man that needed help in being the neighbor to love, but instead, he shifts the focus to the Samaritan (who would have been abhored by a Jewish person) - the person doing the loving action.

While the lawyer was trying to find out who he needed to love, Jesus pointed him to the fact that when we love, we become a neighbor. However, another thought struck me as I mulled over this lesson. The neighbor in need of love (the man beaten and robbed) was a stranger. The Samaritan "just happened" to cross paths with him. And chose to take notice of him. Chose to help him. To love him as he loved himself. To love him radically.

To love our neighbor as ourself means to love them radically. But who is our neighbor? Click to tweet

Does that mean we are to love everyone who crosses our paths? Yes.

That means we are to love our spouse - radically.

Love our children - radically.

Love our in-laws - radically.

Love our extended family - radically.

Love our actual neighbors - radically.

Love the grocery store clerk - radically.

Love our pastors - radically.

Love our coworkers - radically.

Love those we go to church with - radically.

Get the picture? I am getting it, and if I'm completely honest, it scares me. Because I know how very far short I fall of this.

I do love the people in my life, but usually in easy ways that don't really cost me anything. I'm not really good at stopping my progress, pausing my agenda, noticing the needy person on the ground and loving them radically. Loving them in a way that costs me. Costs me my comfort. Costs me my schedule. Costs me emotional investment.

I don't do this well. But the goal of this journey, of digging into this question of how to love my neighbor, is to do it better. To get my flesh under submission and surrender to God. To not only think about doing radically loving things, but to actually do them.

Now that we know that everyone who crosses our path in this life is our neighbor, next we will examine what it means to love them radically.

I hope you'll join me on this journey! I look forward to hearing what God reveals to you and works in your life as you pursue Him and living His way.

What does it look like to pursue God and live His way? Click to tweet

Scheduling Rest

I had a great conversation with an acquaintance one day. She and I have very different daily lives - I have 4 children under 14, she has 1 step-daughter in college; I am home full time, she works part time - but we found that we also have a lot in common. We are both very busy women with a high regard for taking care of our families, serving others, and working hard at whatever we do.

Maybe that's why our conversation moved to the subject of taking care of ourselves and resting once in a while. I think this is a concern/issue for most women in our society. Whether your children are young or older, whether you work outside the home, work from home, or home is your main work, whether your children participate in a dozen activities, a few activities, or just keep their heads above water keeping up with school, life challenges, and special situations - no matter what our daily lives look like - it seems we all struggle with staying balanced in taking care of ourselves and our families.

In a culture that says, "If it feels good, do it" and "You deserve....{just about anything and everything you want}, but also says "You must perform, be perfect, and please everyone (including yourself), it's no wonder we get stuck, have excessively high levels of stress and depression, and don't feel like we can ever rest.

Yet, our bodies were made to rest. Studies have proven that sleep is essential for health and optimal functioning. Our brains need to catch up and recharge. Our bodies need to recharge. But what about our spirits? Don't they need to recharge?

Yes, of course they do!

Sleep is essential and beneficial (and something I'm a big fan of), but it's not the only kind of rest we need. We also need down time. Time to reflect. Time to ponder. Time to ground ourselves. Time to stop the craziness and busyness of life and smell the roses, as the old saying goes.

The conversation yesterday brought the forefront that doing this often brings guilt on women. Because we tend to focus on, stress about, and heap guilt on ourselves about what we're not getting done at that moment. We forget that by taking care of ourselves (in a balanced, healthy way), we are benefiting our families. When we rest, relax, and recharge we can serve our families better. We can do our jobs better. Our moods are better. We are modeling health and balance. It is not just for us, but it is for them, too.

However, we shouldn't expect that it will just happen. Nor should we wait until we're sick to take a day off.

When I worked as a counselor, we were encouraged to take "Mental Health" days. We didn't have to wait to be sick to take sick leave. My wise supervisors knew that it was better to schedule days off to rest, relax, and recharge, than to be slammed with unexpected, often much longer and not beneficial, illness forcing one to take sick leave.

We as moms should recognize our needs for a mental health day on a regular basis. Now, I'm not talking about every week. Maybe every month, but definitely every couple of months. No, we don't ever "get a day off" of being mom, but we can take a break and take it down a few notches.

My kids still get fed on my "days off", but not much else. And guess what: they survive. Sometimes they even crawl in bed with me to snuggle when I'm half-way through a novel and still in my pajamas in the middle of the afternoon. Life goes on. The world keeps turning. Nothing comes crashing down. And we simply continue our routines and busyness the next day.

Rest is not a luxury. It is essential for well-being and health. It's not easy as a mom to get it, but it is so worth it. So, when will you schedule your next mental health day?

Because of Enemies

Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friend - those who see me on the street flee from me. I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. For I hear the slander of many; there is terror on every side; they conspire against me and plot to take my life. But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." Psalm 31:11-14

When I come across scriptures like these I wonder how it relates to me and how I can relate to it. What does God want me to do with it? I don't have enemies. I mean, I've had people over the years I didn't like and who didn't like me, and there are probably some people even now who couldn't care less about me. But enemies? People who hold contempt for me? Conspire against me and plot to take my life? No. I don't experience those things.

So, what is it Lord? What am I to get from these words? You included them for a reason.

And He answers.

We have Christian brothers and sisters who live these verses each and every day. While the exact numbers are unknown, you can only imagine with more than 50 nations that restrict the sharing of the gospel. Our brothers and sisters, bought into the Lord's family the same way we were - by the blood of Jesus - are facing true enemies, contempt of their neighbors, people who flee from them simply because they are Christians, and terror on every side of them. Yet they hold fast to their faith.

What can I do?

I can read the words of God, remember my brothers and sisters in Christ (who will be as precious to me in heaven as my own parents, sister, husband, and children are to me here on earth) and lift them up to the Lord.

We, in Christ, "form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." {Romans 12:5} We are one. We are not to live our convenient, comfortable lives and simply thank God for the blessings He pours out on us. We are to be broken-hearted for those in our family who suffer on a daily basis. And we are to pray.

Pray that they will hold fast to their faith and trust in God completely. Pray they will be delivered from their enemies, but if not, that God's name will be glorified. Pray that they will be bold in their proclamations of the truth of God's love, grace, and mercy through His Son Jesus. Pray that their love will abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that they are able to discern what is best in every situation they face. Pray for workers to come alongside them to help them learn the Word, be able to teach it to others, and be encouraged. Pray that we will never forget, never ignore, never disregard our brothers and sisters persecuted around the world.

Every word in scripture is God-breathed, alive and active, and does not return to Him without completing it's mission. This is true for even the hard words. Ignoring them doesn't change them. Looking into them and opening ourselves to what God wants to say to us through them will change us and bless us beyond comprehension - just not in the ways we always expect.

Moms Working Together

and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, Titus 2:4

Have you ever thought about having to learn to love your husband and children? Or that we as women have a responsibility to each other? According to this one verse, we do.

Titus 2 focuses on conduct as Christians and mirrors many other verses in many other books of the Bible. Romans 12:16 tells us to live in harmony with one another, Romans 15:7 tells us to accept one another, 1 Corinthians 1:10 tells us to agree with one another, 2 Corinthians 13:11 tells us to encourage one another. When we train each other to love our families, we do each of these.

So what does that mean, practically speaking? First, it means talking positively about your husband and children. This doesn't mean that you can never be honest or get support for things you're struggling with, but it means loving them with words even when they're not around.

It also means being willing to spend time with other moms. Life can get crazy quickly and is very busy, but spending time with other moms (older ones to learn from, ones in the same life stage to share with, and younger ones to pass on lessons to) is essential to healthy, balanced living. It may mean joining a ladies Bible Study, play groups, MOPS group, etc. It may mean inviting another mom over for lunch, going out for coffee after the kids going to bed. However it happens, time spent is relationship built.

Teaching also involves listening. Often, we learn by talking things out and just having someone to bounce things off of. Being that sounding board, the one who calls and never gives up, the friend who cares, teaches love - to our girlfriends, and to us.

Your Labor is Not in Vain

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

We're starting today with the final words of yesterday. Motherhood is a challenge that lasts day in and day out, week in and week out, year in and year out. It is no different for Christian mothers than it is for secular mothers. We all face challenges. The strategies are the same for dealing with those challenges, but there is a distinct difference. Christian mothers have victory through Jesus! When we parent our children with this knowledge, we will not fail. It is not a guarantee against sin in their lives (after all, look back at what we've done,) but it is a guarantee that if we keep our eyes on Jesus, we will be victorious.

The words that follow this verse are a great place to go next. They are: Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Stand firm. This is definately something we mothers have to do. Especially if we've been blessed with a strong-willed child (or two.) The first thing we need to do, is make sure that we are standing firm on the right things. We need to let nothing move us from our faith in Jesus and the truths of His Word. And we are always to give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord. That work includes being a mother. It includes changing diapers. It includes wiping runny noses. It includes calmly disciplining a screaming three-year-old. It includes cooking and cleaning and laundry. These tasks are not respected and revered in our society, but I can promise that God reveres them when we give ourselves fully to these tasks to best take care of our family and home.

I feel like I could write for days on this verse alone. It is fully rich. Let nothing move you means, don't let laziness move you (to the sofa), don't let emotions move you (to grumpiness) and don't let selfishness move you (to whatever it is you want despite what your family needs.) That doesn't mean you don't ever take a break (for more see my other blog, where right now I'm talking about the importance of taking care of moms.) It instead means that we do everything we do as unto the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, (Colossians 3:23) When God calls us to be mothers, He calls us to many tasks we will never be thanked for. But each one of those tasks add up to the culmination of raising children. When we do it with all our hearts, when we do it with joy, when we give ourselves fully to it, our labor is not in vain.

The Key to Patience

The first lesson I'll share is not the first parenting lesson God taught me, but one that has become essential to me. That lesson is how to have patience in parenting my children, the key to which is understanding my place as a fellow sinner.

Over the last several months I have prayed continually for God to show me how to love better and more effectively. What I thought I was asking for was for God to show me ways to love others - what gifts to give them, when to send a word of encouragement, etc. What He has been teaching me instead is that when I have an appropriate view of my self, as a sinner and as being completely forgiven, I will change the way I percieve and respond to others, becoming more loving in my thoughts and actions.

In 1 Timothy, Paul, the greatest New Testament missionary and evangelist, calls himself the chief of sinners. I never understood that, until I began to grow closer to God. It's like having a flashlight in a dark room. In a room with no other light, the flashlight looks bright and illuminates some things. But if you take that flashlight outside on a sunny day, the only light you see from it is by looking at the bulb itself. When you begin to see yourself in the light of God's holiness, the light you thought you had on your own fades into almost non-existence.

So what does this have to do with patient parenting? As I began to see myself as a "chief of sinners," I became more and more grateful for the grace and forgiveness God has poured out on me. And I began to see my children as fellow sinners. They weren't doing anything to intentionally antagonize me or hurt my feelings, they were simply behaving in the way any human does in a fallen world with fleshly desires. Just like me. So, if they're not doing anything I haven't done (all sin is rooted in disobedience, and I've been that plenty), then why should I not deal with them with patience? That doesn't mean that I don't consequence them, after all, God consequences us for our sins, but it changes the manner in which I do so.

Ephesians 4:25-27 says: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin"[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. What this means for me as a mom is that I am not to discipline my children in anger (no yelling, no mad face, no acting while the fire of being disobeyed is still in my belly), then I sin.

I believe this is one of the most difficult challenges for parents: to remove emotions from the disciplining process. But, it is essential for effective parenting. Especially if we want to raise our children to have faith in the one true God. We are the role model for God as parent. What they see in us, they will relate to God (especially if we claim faith in Him.) Therefore, I must ask myself every day whether I am being a good ambassador for Christ in the way I am parenting. I am not perfect, and I do not always do it the way I know I should. But, thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

Everything for Moms

I have been blessed to learn a great deal about motherhood from experience, other wise moms, reading, and Bible Study. I believe that all these components are helpful in becoming the best mom I can be, but the most important is getting closer to God and walking in the path He has designed for me. As I learn more about His nature, who He desires me to be, and become obedient to Him, the better mom I become. This blog is about looking at motherhood with the lens of scripture and the focus on growing in our relationships with God. I desire to be a good and godly mother, but through 7 1/2 years of birthing and parenting 4 children I have learned the truth of Romans 7:18 - "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Only through the grace of God can I be the mother my children need me to be. This blog will help keep me focused on Him and share that journey with other mothers who have the same heart's desire.