Scheduling Rest

I had a great conversation with an acquaintance one day. She and I have very different daily lives - I have 4 children under 14, she has 1 step-daughter in college; I am home full time, she works part time - but we found that we also have a lot in common. We are both very busy women with a high regard for taking care of our families, serving others, and working hard at whatever we do.

Maybe that's why our conversation moved to the subject of taking care of ourselves and resting once in a while. I think this is a concern/issue for most women in our society. Whether your children are young or older, whether you work outside the home, work from home, or home is your main work, whether your children participate in a dozen activities, a few activities, or just keep their heads above water keeping up with school, life challenges, and special situations - no matter what our daily lives look like - it seems we all struggle with staying balanced in taking care of ourselves and our families.

In a culture that says, "If it feels good, do it" and "You deserve....{just about anything and everything you want}, but also says "You must perform, be perfect, and please everyone (including yourself), it's no wonder we get stuck, have excessively high levels of stress and depression, and don't feel like we can ever rest.

Yet, our bodies were made to rest. Studies have proven that sleep is essential for health and optimal functioning. Our brains need to catch up and recharge. Our bodies need to recharge. But what about our spirits? Don't they need to recharge?

Yes, of course they do!

Sleep is essential and beneficial (and something I'm a big fan of), but it's not the only kind of rest we need. We also need down time. Time to reflect. Time to ponder. Time to ground ourselves. Time to stop the craziness and busyness of life and smell the roses, as the old saying goes.

The conversation yesterday brought the forefront that doing this often brings guilt on women. Because we tend to focus on, stress about, and heap guilt on ourselves about what we're not getting done at that moment. We forget that by taking care of ourselves (in a balanced, healthy way), we are benefiting our families. When we rest, relax, and recharge we can serve our families better. We can do our jobs better. Our moods are better. We are modeling health and balance. It is not just for us, but it is for them, too.

However, we shouldn't expect that it will just happen. Nor should we wait until we're sick to take a day off.

When I worked as a counselor, we were encouraged to take "Mental Health" days. We didn't have to wait to be sick to take sick leave. My wise supervisors knew that it was better to schedule days off to rest, relax, and recharge, than to be slammed with unexpected, often much longer and not beneficial, illness forcing one to take sick leave.

We as moms should recognize our needs for a mental health day on a regular basis. Now, I'm not talking about every week. Maybe every month, but definitely every couple of months. No, we don't ever "get a day off" of being mom, but we can take a break and take it down a few notches.

My kids still get fed on my "days off", but not much else. And guess what: they survive. Sometimes they even crawl in bed with me to snuggle when I'm half-way through a novel and still in my pajamas in the middle of the afternoon. Life goes on. The world keeps turning. Nothing comes crashing down. And we simply continue our routines and busyness the next day.

Rest is not a luxury. It is essential for well-being and health. It's not easy as a mom to get it, but it is so worth it. So, when will you schedule your next mental health day?

Journey to Surrender

It seems as if every time I reach a point of surrender, there is very little time to rest before God calls to my attention another area of my life that I'm clinging onto desperately. An area, item, relationship, dream, or goal that I would be better off laying at His feet.

Currently, that item is my living situation. Almost exactly two years ago, my husband and I had a contract accepted to purchase a piece of property. We put our house for sale and prayed it would sell quickly so we wouldn't be bogged down with two payments for long. God answered that prayer. A short two months after putting our house on the market, we moved out and closed on the sale. It had gone faster than we ever dreamed. And I thought this was a great start to the journey we were embarking on - the building of our forever house on the water where we'd desired to live for years. (For my husband, it's a life-long dream.)

Having things moves so fast, I was full of enthusiasm and optimism, hoping to have our new house ready to at least host our annual Christmas family dinner in December. But day by day, week by week, month by month, time slipped away without anything being done. Now here we are 22 months out of our own home and we're still in the middle of the building process. There are various reasons, but at this point, the reasons don't matter. They don't change the fact that I've been without my own home, living at my in-laws house (8 people in less square footage than we had for just our family of 6 previously).

This is not where I wanted to be. God and I have had some serious talks about this situation. While I have some legitimate complaints about people not doing what they need to do in a timely manner, making those complaints doesn't change anything. We still are where we are.

And through that, God is teaching me to surrender. Surrender my own timeline. Surrender the details of how I thought my dreams would be realized. Surrender my concept of control over anything. And surrender other people.

None of this is hard. There are days I'm very frustrated with the complete lack of progress and road blocks that keep cropping up. 

But God.

He is using even this to mold me, shape me, and grow me. His desire is that in everything I trust in Him, grow in Him, and glorify Him. He is working greatly in me and I know it will turn out for my good, as He promises.

That doesn't change reality, but prayerfully it will change my thoughts and heart and teach me to surrender even the most difficult things to Him.

The Key to Patience

Over the last several months I have prayed continually for God to show me how to love better and more effectively. What I thought I was asking for was for God to show me ways to love others - what gifts to give them, when to send a word of encouragement, etc. What He has been teaching me instead is that when I have an appropriate view of my self, as a sinner and as being completely forgiven, I will change the way I percieve and respond to others, becoming more loving in my thoughts and actions.

In 1 Timothy, Paul, the greatest New Testament missionary and evangelist, calls himself the chief of sinners. I never understood that, until I began to grow closer to God. It's like having a flashlight in a dark room. In a room with no other light, the flashlight looks bright and illuminates some things. But if you take that flashlight outside on a sunny day, the only light you see from it is by looking at the bulb itself. When you begin to see yourself in the light of God's holiness, the light you thought you had on your own fades into almost non-existence.

So what does this have to do with patient parenting? As I began to see myself as a "chief of sinners," I became more and more grateful for the grace and forgiveness God has poured out on me. And I began to see my children as fellow sinners. They weren't doing anything to intentionally antagonize me or hurt my feelings, they were simply behaving in the way any human does in a fallen world with fleshly desires. Just like me. So, if they're not doing anything I haven't done (all sin is rooted in disobedience, and I've been that plenty), then why should I not deal with them with patience? That doesn't mean that I don't consequence them, after all, God consequences us for our sins, but it changes the manner in which I do so.

Ephesians 4:25-27 says: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin"[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. What this means for me as a mom is that I am not to discipline my children in anger (no yelling, no mad face, no acting while the fire of being disobeyed is still in my belly), then I sin.

I believe this is one of the most difficult challenges for parents: to remove emotions from the disciplining process. But, it is essential for effective parenting. Especially if we want to raise our children to have faith in the one true God. We are the role model for God as parent. What they see in us, they will relate to God (especially if we claim faith in Him.) Therefore, I must ask myself every day whether I am being a good ambassador for Christ in the way I am parenting. I am not perfect, and I do not always do it the way I know I should. But, thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

Living Transformed

2015 was one of great transitions and transformations for me. So I shouldn't have been surprised that the word #transformed kept coming up (and eventually stuck) as I began mulling over, praying about, and working on my theme for my ministry.

The first major transition and transformation of the last couple years was moving. My family and I sold our house (the house, my husband and I both figured out as we were getting ready to move, which was the one I (and he) had lived in the longest in our lives. This transformation is still in progress, as we (the whole 6 of us) are living with my in-laws as we head toward building our new home.

Some of the other transitions and transformations probably haven't been as obvious. At least not on the outside. But God has really been working on me this past year. He had me in quiet, still, and listening mode for about six months. I knew my plate was too full and that some things had to go, but since all I was doing seemed "good," I didn't easily give anything up. However, God made one thing clear, then another, then another. I carefully obeyed, in respectful ways stepping out of some positions and responsibilities.

That's not to say my schedule's not still abundant, but I feel like my focus is narrowing in a good way.

Most recently, I've been mulling over, praying about, and working on my ministry focus. My life focus, really. Why is it I do the things I do? Why should I choose one activity over another? What is my goal? What are my objectives? What outcome do I desire from all of the time, energy, and effort I put into the things I do?

The answer, which shouldn't have surprised me, was to help encourage people to live #transformed lives.

If we are Kingdom people, we should be transformed by the love of Christ. By the grace of Christ. By the mercy and holiness and sovereignty of Christ. He should make our lives radically different. However, this seldom happens spontaneously. There is work to be done. A refining process as we're #transformed from glory to glory to become more like Him.

That's what I desire to do with my time, energy, and efforts. I desire to become more and more like Jesus and help others on the same journey. For us all to live the outrageously abundant lives He came to give us. Not the mediocre, complacent, comfortable lives most of us live. There is so much more!

So, today (or yesterday, really) is the first day of everything coming into focus. That I desire to continue to move forward and offer support as others seek to "Live the best life where we are as we take the next step to becoming who we're meant to be."

Are you interested? Are you excited? I'd love to have you come along! Let's live #transformed together!

Living Surrendered

But the centurion, wishing to save Paul, kept them from carrying out their plan. He ordered those who could swim to jump overboard first and make for the land, and the rest on planks or on pieces of the ship. And so it was that all were brought safely to land.
Acts 27:43-44

Reposted:

I've been reading through Acts the last several months, slowly, taking only a chapter or section at a time. It's been truly amazing! What God reveals of Himself in the faithful telling of the early Jesus followers. The miracles He performed. The power He gave. The love, justice, and callings. It's been such a blessing!

I may go back and look over my notes (I've been reading with some friends and we share our thoughts and lessons God's teaching us) and share some from previous chapters, but as I sat down today to write, the last couple of verses from chapter 27 came forward.

In chapter 27, Paul is being transported to Italy as a prisoner. He's spent somewhere between 2-3 years in prison already, and now he's making a treacherous trip via ship. We can only imagine the discomforts of traveling on a cargo ship with almost 300 people 2000 years ago. For weeks. In a storm for days.

I'm sure the passengers and crew were weary. Tired. Scared. And ready to give up.

We don't have to experience those exact conditions to feel the same way. There are a variety of life circumstances that bring us to the end of our rope. During these times, it's hard to remember that God is still sovereign and He is still with us.

Like Paul did.

During the whole retelling of this journey by Luke (which seems to be a firsthand account, since much of it is written using "we") it never seems that Paul loses his cool. He doesn't seem frightened at all. Actually, he seems full of confidence. There is only one place this kind of confidence comes from - from a most intimate relationship with the Lord.

By truly living in a way in which every single detail of your life is surrendered to the Lord, as I believe Paul did.

We can too. Because living surrendered means we trust that God will bring us safely to shore. That He'll sustain us through the storm. That our life is really His, not ours.

Paul had this calmness even though he faced possible death once he reached his destination. This is because he knew He belonged to God and owed God his very life. God provided temporary safety for the boat passengers and crew after the ship ran aground, and He will do the same for us.

But the most important safety God brings us to is eternal safety. If we can keep our eyes fixed on that, we will experience the same peace Paul did despite any storm that comes our way.

Special Post - Response to Recent Events in U.S.

I have debated on whether to comment on the recent events. I've seen some really well-written comments, some hate-filled comments, and some ignorant comments. I hope mine will fall into the first category.

Our country has lived a long time without the feeling of danger or violence around every corner. That is changing pretty dramatically as of late. The truth is, however, there are people who live with violence every day. Both here, and around the world.

Our country is broken. Not because of race issues, but because of sin issues. Race issues are a symptom, not a cause. When people don't acknowledge a sovereign and loving Creator of all people, they don't recognize the value of each and every person. As our country continues to shove God aside and kick Him out of our lives, honoring and respecting people will continue its downward spiral.

There is violence, there is racism, there is hate, there is evil, because we live in a fallen world. Many of us stay fairly isolated from this and we've gotten very complacent. Myself included.

Not all cops are racist or cruel, just like not all young black men are violent criminals. There is a small segment in every population group that propagates evil and negative impressions. There are also people who simply make bad decisions in one moment of time that causes many negative consequences.

The answer is never retaliation, revenge, or condemning a whole group of people. Ever.

The answer in each one of us is to look squarely at the truth of living in a fallen world. A world that has never and will never be perfect. A country, though while I still believe is one of the greatest in the world and in history, was never and will never be perfect. Because the world and our country are filled with and run by imperfect, sinful people. Some more than others, true, but we all fall short of perfection.

No amount of name-calling, hate-spewing, or violence will solve a single problem in this country, or in our individual lives, for that matter.

The answer in each of us, once we've looked realistically on this fallen world, is to then turn to the One who is perfect. Who did live a perfect life. Who loves perfectly. To humbly fall on our knees before Him, repent of our own sin and any contribution to discord, accept His grace, and seek His power to be more like Him.

Faith cannot be something we glance at or play at, but it must be real, lived out every day for His glory. Only then will we see the path to joining together in true love, despite those who will never choose that path and will always breed evil and hate.

As long as we're living on this fallen earth, there will be people who choose sin. Let us just be sure that we instead choose God's grace, mercy, and love. And teach our children to do the same.

Tell Me What to do With this Child

It's funny how I knew everything about parenting before I became a mom. Since I worked in family counseling, I studied childhood development and parenting quite a bit. I even taught parenting classes. I had all the answers.

Until I had children.

What no one prepared me for was the massive onslaught of questions and situations I simply had no answer for.

My children have asked me questions about their world that I simply didn't have the knowledge to answer. Sometimes I send them to their dad. Sometimes we ask Siri or Google it. Sometimes I simply say I don't know (This, by the way, I think is a good answer to give once in a while. We don't know everything and we don't want to set our kids up for a big fall one day when they suddenly discover this.) Sometimes I'm completely flabbergasted by what they ask. Not because it's inappropriate, but because they ask questions that in my four decades of living I've never thought to ask.

At other times they do things or ask to do things that I'm not sure they shouldn't, but I'm not sure they should either. I'm a "why not?" kind of person. My husband is the opposite, he's sees all the negative possibilities and often needs a good reason to do something instead of a reason not to. I've learned a few of those why nots along the way as I've scrubbed walls, kissed scraped knees, and washed off cakes of mud.

I've also learned to pray more. Probably not as much as I should, but certainly there have been many, many times I've had to go to God for wisdom. Really, though, as often as I'm simply not prepared for something that comes up in this wonderful world of mommyhood, I should be praying over my children constantly.

That's what I love about this verse I came across the other day.

Then Manoah prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, please let the man of God whom you sent come again to us and teach us what we are to do with the child who will be born.”
Judges 13:8

This verse is referring to Samson's parents. They had prayed and waited a long time before God promised and then gave them a child. Their response was this prayer. They certainly knew something I didn't - the great need for the Lord's guidance in raising children.

It's crazy, really. That we don't go to God more about our children. I think we've been conditioned to rely on psychology, other parents, and so-called experts in the field of parenting. That's not to say that I haven't learned a lot from people who've studied and/or experienced parenting, but no matter how much they know or share, God knows abundantly more. He knows not only how to be the perfect parent, but He knows every detail of our lives and our children's lives. He knows my personality inside and out and each of my children's personalities inside and out. There is nothing beyond His scope of knowledge or wisdom.

It makes perfect sense to seek Him in parenting. Especially when we simply don't know what to do. I love this prayer that Manoah prayed. I think I'll add it to my daily prayers, because the Lord knows sometimes (okay, quite often) I'm completely beyond my own ability to parent my children in a way that's best for them!

Lord, teach me what to do with this child. Teach me how to help her/him develop a love for You. Teach me how to guide him/her in paths of righteousness. Teach me when and how to discipline him/her in a way that will instill love and respect for You, Your laws, and other people. Teach me how to love in a way that's in his/her best interest. And most of all, teach me how to communicate Your life-saving Gospel in a way that his/her faith becomes his/her own. Thank You! Amen.