Should Mom Lie?

keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Psalm 34:13

Are you ever tempted to tell little lies to your children? Or do you do it without thinking? I have found that this is fairly universal. We think, 'he doesn't need to know that' or 'it will just cause more questions/confusion' or 'I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with this' or, simply, 'I'm too tired right now.'

The questions from children and situations we face where we have to come up with answers to things in the spur of the moment. Sometimes we do well. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes I simply don't want to get into whatever it is their asking about.

Yet, we have made conscious decisions not to lie to our children. These are the easy things for us. Our children know the truth about Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny. We chose, in part, not to feed these fantasies so that our children will not be able to come back to us one day and say, "but you lied to me!" We don't have a problem with families who continue these traditions, it is fun and everyone enjoys it. It's a choice we've made that works for us.

When our children ask us direct questions about the world around them, often the answers are easy and straight forward. Other times they are not. How do we handle these? Do we tell the truth and nothing but the truth? The whole truth? Or tell them it's something they don't need to know at this point in their young life? Or, do we tell a partial truth or a "little white lie" to survive the moment? I can answer "E." All of the above.

However, God calls us to be truthful. We are not to give false testimony. We are to keep lying from our lips. This is not easy, but God would not call us to do so if it weren't important. He also willingly gives us the ability to do so if He calls us to do so. This is where "praying without ceasing" and "pray about everything" come in handy. Nothing we face is a surprise or new to God. He has a perfect will for us in everything, including how we handle difficult questions from our five or seven or thirteen year olds. If we seek Him in our quiet times and in our questioning times, "... God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

A Day to Sing

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. Psalm 33:1

I am a big music lover, always have been. There are untold hours I wasted in my childhood recording songs on the radio, trying to cut out commercials and make just the right mix on my audio tapes (you know, before CD's, MP3's and the like.) I remember trying to catch the top 40 every weekend. I remember playing songs over and over until I had every single word memorized. I often annoyed my sister by blaring my stereo and singing at the top of my lungs the songs she hated most.

As I grew older and began to mature in my relationship with Christ, He consistently put people in my life that introduced me to a world I had previously been unaware of: contemporary Christian music. Gradually over time, I began to make this what I listen to almost exclusively. I have found that on almost every other radio station/CD I listen to, there is a risk for things that are not holy to be introduced into my thinking.

To me, there is never a debate of whether songs should be traditional or contemporary. As long as the words are geared towards praising God, I'm okay with it. Someone wise once said, "The old hymns speak great gospel truths and the new contemporary songs sing great praise to Him." In other words, they either make His character known, or praise Him for His character. Some do both.

I'll have to admit, I don't have the radio on quite as much as I did before kids. I now have an ipod, which I was hesitant with at first but now use constantly, on which I listen to some music and some teaching. I also have several children's praise and worship CD's which we put in on occasion. However, once in a while I realize that it's been too long since we put some joyful music on and spend time doing nothing put singing to the Lord. Some days I don't feel like it. Some days seem too busy. But, I need to remember, singing and praising God shouldn't be something I do based on my feelings or circumstances, it should be something I do simply because He is the I am.

Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. Psalm 30:4

A Women with Solid Walls

Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28

Do you ever feel like the walls that maintain order in your house are broken down? I think we've all been there. I know for sure that I have. And what I have found is at the root of the problem is not my children. It's me.

Children will be children. They will push boundaries. They will disobey. They will have bad attitudes. Okay. Children will be human. And when they tend to be more human (i.e. more controlled by the flesh than by self-control) I generally find that it is because I have been that way myself. When I have not been submitting to the Holy Spirit and exercising self-control in the way I act, speak and react I see that reflected in my children.

I used to think that I was a very self-controlled person, until I had children. Then I learned that they were capable of pushing buttons that I never knew I had. One of those buttons is defiance. It will drive me crazy quicker than anything else. (Ever felt that red-heat anger in your belly? I hope I'm not the only one.) If I allow that feeling and anger at being disobeyed in how I handle that disobedience, I am myself stepping into disobedience against God.

This is a practice that takes practice. It is a skill that takes submission to the Holy Spirit and a recognition of how sinful I am myself. Because I have learned that consequences of losing it (I never feel good after having acting without self-control) are, I pay very close attention to myself when I'm dealing with my children when they are acting up. I'm no where near perfect, but I continue to work on developing the skill of self-control. (1 Thessalonians 5:6)

And when I do, I see improvements in my children's behavior. They are still human (as am I) and they are still children, but they exhibit more positive behaviors the more I exhibit positive behaviors. I don't have any regret about losing my temper or yelling at anyone. The walls of my city stay intact and are not broken down, opening up the way for more sin to creep in.

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God is in the Details

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30

Have you ever wondered if God is really in the details of your life? I mean all the nitty gritty, little, seemingly inconsequential details of your life? I used to not even give this a consideration. I thought that God probably cared about where I lived, worked and who I married, but that was about it. Other than making sure I didn't sin, He was uninvolved in my life. He has been teaching me otherwise for years now, and this morning He gave me a small reminder.

I never realized when I was 13 and decided to place my faith in Jesus as my Savior that He wanted more than just for me to make it through this life to spend eternity with Him. I lived a long time in that ignorance. I have learned in the last decade or so that He wants so much more - He wants ALL of me. He wants me to obey Him, and love Him, and submit to Him in everything. In return, He will work out my circumstances to that I will have everything I need to be a blessing to others and bring glory to Him. And, as if that weren't enough, He also works out blessings in the details of my life.

Our local Chick-fil-A has begun having a Mommy and Me time (or maybe they've been having it and I just found out about it) and we decided to go. We invited a friend who met us with her five kids (I'm thinking, it's going to be really crowded with just us there) and planned on having a good time, maybe pass out a few Women's Conference brochures. Well, God had so much more in store.

There were two ladies there whom I have been emailing about completely different things. On any other given day, we wouldn't have known that we were each other, but during Mommy and Me time you where name tags, so we were able to connect. It was so divine, it was unmistakable.

And it reminded me, God can even make things happen when I go out to play time with my children. He truly is in the details.

I know this may sound frivolous, but nothing that we do is unimportant to God. Not the meals we fix for our families, not the booboos we kiss and bandage, not the baths we give, play dates we make, laundry we wash, or beds we make. You never know what God is working out behind the scenes on in your heart while you go about the minute tasks of every day. But if you learn to trust Him in the small things, when the big things happen your faith and trust in His ultimate concern, love, and control will get you through.

For another example, we can always look to David. He learned to trust God in the small things (of a shephard) and was able to believe Him in the big things (when he faced a giant and was being pursued by an army.)

God cares for the sparrows, and how much more important are you to Him than they are? Infinitely more. Enough more to send His Son to die for you.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:1-10

Getting Your Children To Respect Your Parenting

Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. James 5:12

A friend of mine shared this verse a while back for a totally different reason, but ever since then it's been on my mind as to how important this is to us as moms.

As a family counselor, one of the main things we encouraged parents to do to be effective was to set boundaries and maintain them. To say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise, your children will run right over you - begging, pleading, whining, and conjolling until you finally give in and let them have their way. Or, they will simply ignore you and do what they want knowing that there won't be any negative consequences.

Even having full knowledge of the importance of this, I struggle with it. It's especially difficult when you don't have a specific reason and so do give in eventually. However, I've found this gets me into deep parenting poopy. The next time I say "do this" or "no" my answer is not respected. It becomes a battle, of which there never should be. As parents, God has given us authority over our children and we are to teach them to respect that authority. Note: they need to be taught to respect our authority.

I have one particular child who is famous for pushing the envelop. This particular child will ask for the same thing a million times after I've given my answer. Even though I very seldom change my answer, and often state that I've already answered and am not going to change my mind, this particular child will keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on... (I think you get the idea.)

Lately, I've begun to stop this process. I will make it clear that I've answered the question, that is the final say on the matter and there will be negative consequences if the question is asked one more time. It has only taken a few times for the consequence to come with the words for me to get the process to stop mid stream.

"So harsh!" you may be thinking. But, I am reinforcing my God-given authority (which is ultimately important when they take the inevitable risk that puts them in major harms way - like walking out in the street, disappearing from our sight in a crowded area, just trying one joint, having unprotected sex - it is all connected) that puts safe boundaries around them until they are able to make greater and greater decisions on their own. If I don't establish that authority in the small things like respecting my answer on a requested activity, I won't have authority on the larger things as they get older.

So, as hard as it is to draw the line in the sand and maintain it, it is vital to effective, loving parenting. And if God has given us this authority, commanded us to let our words stand as they're said, then He will provide us with everything we need to do so.

Mommy Perseverance Part 2

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

The hard part of remembering the cloud of witnesses, throwing off what hinders us and the sin that entangles us is the perseverance part. We get tired. Or, at least, I do. I think that this is one quality of motherhood that is grossly overlooked and neglected. What we do every day - the race that is marked out for us - is not glorified and can be very tiresome. I know some moms who thrive on certain aspects of motherhood, but each of us faces our own challenges. Those are the areas we struggle to persevere in.

But, this race is marked out for us and it is of utmost importance. We are raising other human beings. We are to guide and direct them to become Christ-centered adults. It doesn't really matter to me what career my children choose, or what hobbies they take up, yet we spend the majority of our parenting time in these areas - education and entertainment through hobbies. For me, the ultimate goal is that my children live a life of obedience to Christ. I realize that this may mean sacrifice on my part and will most definitely mean sacrifice on their part, but it comes with the only rewards that matter: those that are eternal.

It's hard to see how changing diapers, cooking meals, washing clothes, cleaning house, and disciplining our children even when they disobey in the smallest of matters can make an eternal difference, but it does. It's how we do those things that makes the greatest impact on our children. If we have a heart for God and do everything unto Him, that will show. If we are diligent in the tasks we are given, the character traits we display will be more easily learned by our children.

So, when you get tired, when you get frustrated, when you get discouraged and are ready to give up, remember: God marked out this race for you and will equip you with everything you need to run it with perseverance. You simply have to trust in, rely on, and look to Him in and for everything.