Of Socks and Shoes (and toothbrushes and soap)

We live in a time and place where we have unlimited resources to help us prepare for parenthood. When I was expecting and then a new mom, I read and read and read. There were books and magazines, and a handful of blogs. Now there are an amazing number of blogs, Facebook groups, Instagrammers, Pinners, etc. Any question you might wonder about parenting, you'll most likely find in abundance.

Regardless of how much we talk to other moms, read about being a parent, or research all the right decisions, the truth is nothing can prepare someone for motherhood completely. There are just things you could never expect (or, even if someone told you, you might brush off or not realize how that piece of advice might be experienced in real time). 

One of those things for me is how often I have to repeat myself. Now, I'm sure part of this is my own fault. I am somewhat strict as a parent, but certainly not exceptionally strict. I believe in grace and apply it liberally. Not that my children don't have responsibilities or face consequences when they break rules, but I try to be flexible when a situation deems it. (Okay, quite often I'm also just plain distractible.) I also don't tend to dole out punishments for small things.

But really...

How many times do I have to say "put your shoes on" when I've given them a 20 minute countdown 'til time for us to leave?

How many times do I have to ask, "Did you wash with soap while you were in the bathtub for 2 hours?"

How many times do I need to remind my children to brush their teeth after breakfast AND before bed?

Honestly, after a decade (give or take) of hearing these things, you'd think they'd get it.

But that's my job. 

To hold them accountable to good habits and responsibilities.

To remind them to do things they get distracted from (especially since I understand this one in spades!).

To keep teaching them, guiding them, and leading them to become responsible, people-loving, God-honoring adults.

And I know they will get it!

My 15-year-old is a big encouragement. Not that we don't deal with typical teen issues, but she seems to have integrated all the everyday lessons I've been trying to impart her whole life. Her younger siblings have them in part. Of course, the youngest needs the most guidance. So I cling to the success I see and keep on (deep breath) patiently reminding and checking in to make sure things are done that are supposed to be done.

And isn't that the way the Lord is with us? There are so many lessons I've learned and relearned (and relearned) in my life as a believer. How quickly I forget His truths and start to depend on myself and my limited knowledge and strength. Over and over and over again.

Yet, the Lord is ever-patient. He continues to guide and teach and correct and lead me. I'm so thankful He does! Aren't you?

So the next time your telling your child put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, brush their hair, or actually put their clothes away when they take them off, remember how long-suffering and gentle the Lord is with you. Filling up with His grace will help you (and me) extend grace to our children and gently keep them on track.

So, what are the things do you get to teach your children over and over?

And what is something you've ever grateful the Lord teaches and reminds you over and over?

Battling the Flesh

Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. 
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Matthew 26:41

At times, it seems like these words written over 2000 years ago were written just for me. Why is it that I so desire to live in God's will and be obedient to Him  I let my flesh rule so often? The answer is found right here: the flesh is weak.

I know I'm not the only one struggling with a weak flesh, evidenced by the conversation I had with a good friend this morning. She shared her own struggles of the flesh.

While it seems like this verse was written just for me, the truth is we all struggle against a weak flesh. What the exact item that trips us up doesn't really matter. 

I've been on a journey to living surrendered for a while now, and I've experienced times of victory and times of defeat. Sometimes those fluctuations are a result of changing circumstances, but more often than not it's when I'm not faithful in my time with the Lord.

There's a reason Jesus told His disciples to engage in the battle of the flesh with prayer. It is the strongest weapon we have against giving into our desires. Prayer engages the Holy Spirit and wells His power within us. Prayer refocuses us on the eternal instead of the temporal. And prayer reminds us to praise God for the things He has given us already instead of the things we want.

Battling the flesh is a day by day, sometimes moment by moment fight. We will never win it on our own, but already have victory in our Savior. To live in that victory we have to be willing to fight. To ignore the flesh. To redirect it. To beat it into submission.

Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 9:27 - But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

We've been convinced that depriving ourselves of something is bad. That hard work is bad. That discipline is a negative thing. But biblically, these are all to our benefit.

Yet, even though I know this, my flesh tells me the opposite. For for this decision, this day, I will double down in prayer and seek God for His strength to build up self-control in me to I can resist the flesh. It won't be easy. There may even be tears. But, when I have victory, oh how sweet it will be! Won't you join me?

Permissible, but not Beneficial

The concept of "permissible but not beneficial" is one that I have struggled to get from my head to my actions for a long time. It's one of those things I know, have known, get reminded of on occasion, but doesn't always affect my decisions. I'm grateful for the opportunity to once again work on good choices. Better choices. Best choices.

As a Type 1 diabetic, many people say to me: "Oh, you can't eat that, can you?"

The truth is, I can eat anything I want. I simply have to adjust the amount of insulin I take. I can also make wise decisions about how much of that anything I choose to ingest. However, I still struggle to make those wise decisions, too.

When I look at a piece of fruit and a handful of chocolate chips and know that they'll each have the same affect on my blood sugar - sorry gals, fruit has sugar - I'm going to pick the chocolate. Almost every time. It doesn't matter that the apple or orange or grapes also come with vitamins and minerals.

It also doesn't help that there are the days I eat right and my blood sugar still soars. It could be I didn't sleep well the night before, had a particularly stressful day, have a cold, or a fluctuation in my hormones (which you know is almost always happening to us.) Then I throw in the proverbial towel and figure I might as well eat what I want if eating healthy and balanced isn't giving me the positive results I'm seeking.

It's all a mental thing. I admit that. Well, actually it's sometimes an emotional thing, too. I want to get my head, heart, stomach, and mouth all working together toward the same goal: to get and stay healthy.

I do eat healthy. Sometimes. But I also eat junk and I also eat too much. And I need to remember (consistently) that neither of those habits are beneficial to me. Or my family.

I want to be around to see my grandchildren grow up. Considering my oldest child is currently thirteen, that's a major long-term goal. But not only do I want to be here for my children and their children, I want to be healthy. I want to be a role model for them by being active in ministry and living my life on fire to share the gospel.

I can't do that if I lose my eyesight, my feeling and possibly the reality of having legs. I can't do that if I have major kidney disease. All real risks in my life that increase with my decreased ability to control my blood sugars.

And so much of it boils down to this: what is permissible is not necessarily beneficial. God wants the best for me, and I have to find my want for my best, too. 

The verse God gave me for the beginning of the year is 2 Corinthians 10:5 - "...take every thought captive to obey Christ."

That means taking every thought captive - including those about food.

That's what I'm working diligently on through this study. That's what I'm becoming #empowered to do as I learn, step by step, brick by brick, to #CraveGod above and beyond and before anything else.

There are so many things that are allowed in this life, but I want to want what is best, what is going to draw me closer to the Lord, what is going to help me sow and reap a part of the harvest as I work the works God prepared for me before He spoke the earth into being. 

When I look at it from my perspective, I think why not? It's not that bad. It's permissible. 

When I look at it from the perspective of who God is and who He wants me to be, I want the best.

Who's in Charge?

It never fails to surprise me when I hear parents say, "He didn't want to," or "She didn't feel like it." Not that I'm cold and uncaring about my children's feelings, but often I hear these words about children following through on a commitment or a chore or even schoolwork. And I think: Who's in charge here?

Too often, it's the child, not the parent.

I sometimes even catch myself doing it. Letting my child dictate his or her own actions when really, I should push back more. I should stick to my word better. I know this, and still I fall short.

However, I often wonder if other parents are aware of this (not all parents, of course, just some who seem to get run over by their children.

As a family counselor of troubled teens, I saw this constantly. Parents who let children dictate their own lives (and sometimes the parents' too!). Then the parent would generally throw their hands up in the air in wonder when things went haywire or their child rebelled.

Now, it was a whole lot easier for me to dole out parenting advice before I actually became one. I had no idea how my emotions would become so entangled in my parenting. That even though I know the right thing to do most of the time (certainly not all the time!), I don't always do it because I'm tired or frustrated or distracted or just plain weak.

Nevertheless, I try to keep in the forefront of my mind that I am the one ultimately in charge. I have authority over my child and his/her life. This doesn't mean that I dictate every decision my child makes. There has to be balance and children have to be able to make decisions to become responsible, independent adults. They learn to make small decisions when they are small and best handle bigger decisions as they grow bigger. Yet still, they are not in control of their lives. They should be in control of some decisions, but not their entire lives. Not until they're ready to be fully responsible for their entire lives.

Yet many parents don't embrace their rightful place as having authority. We have swung the pendulum of parenting from authoritarian (rules rule the roost) to permissive (rules?), neither which is best for a child or the family as a whole. Instead, authoritative parenting has proven to be the most effective time and time again. That means the parent is in charge (i.e. holds the authority), but engages the child in love, life, and some autonomy in decisions.

So how do we put this into practice? 

First, we as parents must recognize that we are in charge, and we are in charge for a reason. Think how much more you know about life than you did when you were five or ten or fifteen. You have life, experience, and a wealth of information to pull from. Your child has very little of each of these.

Second, we have to realize that discipline is a form of love and children grow up much more healthier with balanced boundaries. Letting them have their way or tell you what they are or are not going to do (not little things, but bigger things like follow through on a commitment, go to a family function, follow family rules, etc.) creates a self-centered, selfish, and often very immature adult.

Third, we should remember that most battles are short lived. Now, I have two strong-willed children, so I know what it means to say no to the same questions a dozen times a day for months on end. But they eventually get it. I also have seen that most times a child gets upset with boundaries being set and held to, they will recover pretty quickly. Even if it's a day or two, it will be much better in the long run to hold on to your word. Even if it's a week or two, or a month or two (the times seem to often get longer as they get older). All we have to do is outlast them - most of the time. (None of us are capable of holding on ALL the time!)

So, the next time your child tells you "no" to something that really matters or something that they committed to or something that you need to stick to just because you already let it fly out of your mouth, remember that you are in charge for a reason - and that reason is because you know best for your child, love them, and want them to grow up to be healthy, balanced, caring individuals. 

Obedience or Obstinance

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" Luke 6:46

I wonder how many times I've professed myself a Christian, claiming Jesus is Lord, and turned around and done something completely against His character. I shutter at the thought.

In many different ways and at different times we are told in scripture that if we love the Lord we will obey Him. However, many of our lives fall short of even trying to obey Him. We know that we are all sinners, not a one of us good within ourselves, and that no matter how much effort we put in we will fall short of God's glory, but does that mean we shouldn't try?

Paul answers this resoundly in Romans: Let it not be!

If we love the Lord and trust Him, trust His word, trust who He says He is, we will obey Him.

We will draw close to Him and realize that in our own effort we fall short, but that in relying on Him, we obey Him.

Some commandments are pretty clear and are not a challenge for us. Others, are great challenges. Some we don't even know are important to God. Or, we don't want to recognize that they're important to Him.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Luke 6:27

Did you know that envy is listed along with murder as a sin? How about disobeying your parents? Being arrogant and boastful? Who hasn't fallen to these?

But, thanks be to God, He's provided us a rescue! However, we are to take hold of that rescue like a lifeline and stubbornly hold to Him and His promises.

We are all stubborn. At one time I obstinantly held onto my own way of doing things and frequently made a mess of things. Now, I stubbornly hold onto my God and let Him lead me through any mess that comes my way - of my doing or not.

Obedience is not always an easy course to choose, after all, it is the narrow way. But the rewards are so great that we could never count them. God's grace, mercy, peace, and joy are more than we could ever work for and grasp for ourselves in our own power. They are the blessings that count, and the ones that come with stubborn obedience to God's way rather than the world's way.

Moms Working Together for God

to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited. Titus 2:5 (RSV)

This verse continues from the previous one about the things that older women are supposed to teach the younger women. By proxy, this means that the older women are expected to exhibit these characteristics, too.

I am sure that many reading this verse cringe at the phrase "submissive to their husbands." This is, in part, due to the lies we've been fed and eaten ravenously about what submission means. The other part of this is our flesh desiring to be selfish and independent of anyone else. However, we are commanded time and time again to be submissive to our husbands (Eph. 5:22, 24; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1, 5.) We are not the only ones told to submit, though. Slaves are told to submit to their masters, masters are told to submit to God, children are told to submit to their parents, and all belivers are told to submit to each other out of reverence to Christ. So, women are not the only ones told to submit.

Secondly, submission does not mean being a doormat. Submission means exhibiting the characteristics described in the beginning of the verse: sensible, chase, domestic, kind. It doesn't mean take a beating, put up with emotional abuse or blackmail, or think of yourself as less worthy in God's eyes. It means to maintain a relationship with your husband by being self-controlled, pure, busy at home, and kind (NIV.)

Trust me, these characteristics are harder to learn for some people, especially naturally dependent, strong-willed personalities like mine. But, as God has convicted me about my attitude and lack of submission to His will and encouraged me to be a kinder, gentler wife, I've been the one to benefit. And, as the last portion of this verse says (as well a the other verses that talk about being submissive), it is all to make sure that God is glorified - that I don't do anything to bring discredit to His name. It is true of how I treat my husband, how I treat my children, how I treat my extended family, and how I treat my friends. That is why I need God to help teach me these lessons on a constant basis.

New Beginnings

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23

It seems appropriate to talk about new beginnings at the start of a new year, however, God has reminded me that we have an opportunity to make a new beginning each day. And boy, am I glad!

I don't know about others, but it seems that I struggle with doing the right things, exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit of God, on a daily basis. No matter how much prayer I put into it, how much time I spend in Bible reading/study, no matter how much praise music I listen to, I constantly fall short. Now, on the days I do have my quiet prayer/Bible study time and turn up some inspirational music, I notice improvement. But I don't experience perfection.

I'm reminded through scripture that I'm not the only one, though. Romans 3:23 tells us that ALL fall short. I'm glad that I'm not alone. But I'm more grateful that God has redeemed me from being a slave to the sin that reaches out to ensnare me and delivers me through His Son. Through Him, I am more than a conquerer. Which means that I don't give up. I continue to keep my eyes fixed on Him and rely on Him to help me discipline my flesh and practice making holy choices instead of fleshly ones.

And He gives me that option every day! I've made some new beginnings and gotten back to some disciplines I've let slip, with the new year motivating me. But there are still others I need to work on. As I start the process (again), I will continue to remind myself that I can't, but He CAN!

Creating a Worry-Free Home

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11

Before you cringe at the fact that I've gone to the awe-inspiring Proverbs 31 woman, know that I have studied, struggled with, submitted to the meaning behind these verses. While this woman looks perfect, she is not. How do I know? Because she is human. I also know that this section of verses is not a snapshot glance at her life, it is a look into her overall life, evidenced by verse 28. Most likely, if her children arise and called her blessed, they are grown.

Okay, so now we can look at todays verse. This woman's husband has full confidence in her. Where do you suppose that confidence comes from? To me, it comes from his experience that she takes care of her duties and household with integrity. She does what she says she's going to do and backs her words up with actions. She looks after the household in such a way that her husband doesn't have to worry that things are falling apart while he's at home.

We, also have this opportunity today. Whether we work outside the home or only in it, we can manage our homes in a way that instills our husbands with confidence. This can be done by:

* greeting him with kind words and enthusiasm
* taking care of chores with a positive attitude
* doing something extra that he'll notice once in a while
* do what you say you'll do
* keep your focus on God and fulfilling the work He's called you to do.

In no way would I ever imply that the above is easy. It's something I work on daily. When I want to get lazy (not relax, relaxation and down time are important to maintain balance), I ask myself, am I living with integrity? Have I given God my best today? If not, I pray for His strength to help me persevere through one more task - and I sometimes remember to turn my praise music on while I'm doing so.

A Disciplined Body

I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27

Have you ever though about the fact that self-discipline doesn’t happen on its own? That to do the right thing consistently isn’t natural in the flesh? God knows this about us, and has given us the answer to submit to His will. Part of that answer is to discipline our bodies.

Discipline and training take practice. I means making the right choice over and over and over again. It means doing what needs to be done instead of what we feel like doing. It means not giving up when we mess up. And it means continuing to do it and being willing to step up to an even higher level of discipline once we’ve completed another. That’s what athletes do – they train consistently and are always moving to another lever.

Sound daunting? To me it does. To know that I have hard work ahead of me, and when I complete that, I’ll be faced with even harder work. As busy moms, that can make us tired just thinking about it. But, it’s what we’re called to do. But why? The second part of the verse answers that question. We don’t want to be disqualified. As moms, that means we don’t want to be disqualified from receiving respect, love, and the obedience of our children.

While it’s difficult to do what we know we should do (laundry, cleaning, quiet time with the Lord, straightening up – again) instead of what we want to do (read a book, check email, sit with a quiet cup of coffee and a chick flick), the rewards for doing the right things are endless. When our actions match up with our priorities, peace and joy will follow. One of those benefits is having our children see us as genuine. If they know that we mean what we say and say what we mean, they will love us, have respect for us, and be more likely to obey us.

But, most of all, they will give credibility to what we teach them about God – then we will not be disqualified after preaching the gospel to them.

Wisdom for Moms

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

If there were any one verse that offered comfort to moms, this is it. Since we constantly face new challenges and situations that are unique to us, we are in great need of wisdom. The world offers us unlimited information and advice, but it's easy to see that it offers us very little in the way of wisdom.

Parenting books and programs are available in abundance, and being an avid reader and researcher, I've read my fair share. However, very few of them have I found to make a positive impact. There are two reasons for this.

First, many of them are based on a feel-good or sloppy approach to parenting. They are child-centered instead of God-centered. They may have some good recommendations (and usually some bad ones, too), but the premise and philosophy are off base.

How do I know that? Because they're not Biblical. And because I've seen them fail time and time again.

There are also some great books out there for parents. Parenting by the Book, by John Rosemond. Dare to Discipline, by Dr. James Dobson. Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp. So why aren't this more effective?

Because wisdom means putting the good things you learn into practice. And doing what's wise is a lot harder than knowing what's wise. It's hard to discipline children. It hurts a mom's heart to make her child uncomfortable or hurt (even emotionally.) We don't want them to do without (or scream about it for half an hour, or half a minute, for that matter.) But, wisdom knows that paying in the short term is often best for positive long term results.

God offers that wisdom (and limitless parenting advice in His Word) freely. All we need to do is ask. That doesn't mean that we ask and then sit and wait for the answers to fall on us and take effect. It means that we seek Him, read His Word, and obey His instructions. Isn't that what we want our children to do?

He is faithful. And if we ask, He will provide everything we need according to the glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Secret to Prosperity

The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness. Deuteronomy 6:24-25

The secret to prosperity is obedience. No, I'm not talking about financial prosperity, I'm talking about being prosperous in the truly important things in life: mindset, relationships, contentment, joy, Holy Spirit power, God's presence - all the riches according to Christ Jesus. God has promised to supply all of our needs according to the glory of His Son, but we often are looking for our wants. We tend to compare ourselves to others and what they have that we don't. I know that I'm guilty of this.

However, when I turn my eyes away from the flesh and look upwards, I am reminded of the multitude of blessings that God has already poured out on me. This reminds me to be obedient in this: "in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6)

God doesn't tell us to do things, does not give us laws and boundaries for His good, but for our own. To approach everything with thanksgiving is a gift to us. It helps open us to the joy, contentment and positive relationships that God desires to give us. The things we often seek, thinking they will give us these things always disappoint.

This is a lesson - the importance of obedience - is one I am constantly trying to teach my children. I'll admit, even though I know how important it is, I often fall short in reinforcing immediate, respectful, cheerful obedience in my children. I also resist being completely obedient to God, making myself a good role model, despite my prayer to be radically obedient.

Lately, I have recommitted to reinforcing obedience in my children. They, like me, will not simply choose to be obedient because it's the best path. While some are naturally more obedient than others, none of them will choose it all the time. Therefore, it is my job to teach them through modeling, verbalizing, and consequencing. When I don't, I sell them short. I rob them of a life that will lead to the prosperity God has offered them.

We all want the best for our children, but the secret is not to give them everything they want, but to teach them to joyfully obey God's law, the first of which for our children is to "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." Ephesians 6:1-2

Raising Your Voice

My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud;My voice rises to God, and He will hear me. Psalm 77:1

God is amazing! Let me start by saying that. As I looked for a verse to start this morning's devotion with, He had me open my large multi-version Bible to Psalm 77. The NAS version of this verse (above) uses the words "My voice rises" where others use the word cry. Cry didn't do it for me, but talking about rising my voice struck me in the heart.

Yesterday I did plenty of raising my voice, but it wasn't to God. It wasn't for him to hear me and help me. It was at my children. I'm not sure why I was struggling so much to keep my flesh under control yesterday. Could be I didn't have my morning meditation and Bible reading. Could be I was trying to do laundry, homeschool, catch up on housework and was distracted by a new book. Could be because I didn't have my praise music on, helping me keep focus. Could be because instead of raising my voice to God, I was trying to do it all on my own strength.

I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I often step out into it on my own. You'd think I would learn, but sometimes we spend "40 years making an 11 day trip" (Joyce Meyer) and I have to be reminded to rely on God EVERY day for EVERY thing.

I also need reminding to actually lift my voice up to Him. (Psalm 142:1, Isaiah 40:9, Isaiah 52:8) This is something I am not very well practiced at. For me, prayer is a very private, silent activity between me and God. However, as God is teaching me, in the Bible prayer is never seen as silent. It is open, verbal communication with God.

* Psalm 54:2Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth.
* John 17
*Acts 4:24When they heard this, they raised their voices together in prayer to God. "Sovereign Lord," they said, "you made the heaven and the earth and the sea, and everything in them.

There is a reason Jesus told His disciples to go close themselves in a room to pray (Matthew 6:5-6.) It was because the expectation was that they'd be praying aloud. Yes, God hears us when we pray silently, but the devil hears us when we pray aloud. It is spiritual battle, and the Word is our sword. {Ephesians 6:17 - Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.}

I've convicted to pray more aloud, and when I do feel more filled with the Spirit. However, I don't do it often. My kids are almost always around. Will they think I'm crazy (more so than they probably already do)? Should I care? No. I should care more about them hearing me talk to God. I should also care more about letting them hear me raise my voice to God, instead of at them. That will make more difference in their lives than any lesson I could teach them on prayer.

Getting Your Children To Respect Your Parenting

Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. James 5:12

A friend of mine shared this verse a while back for a totally different reason, but ever since then it's been on my mind as to how important this is to us as moms.

As a family counselor, one of the main things we encouraged parents to do to be effective was to set boundaries and maintain them. To say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise, your children will run right over you - begging, pleading, whining, and conjolling until you finally give in and let them have their way. Or, they will simply ignore you and do what they want knowing that there won't be any negative consequences.

Even having full knowledge of the importance of this, I struggle with it. It's especially difficult when you don't have a specific reason and so do give in eventually. However, I've found this gets me into deep parenting poopy. The next time I say "do this" or "no" my answer is not respected. It becomes a battle, of which there never should be. As parents, God has given us authority over our children and we are to teach them to respect that authority. Note: they need to be taught to respect our authority.

I have one particular child who is famous for pushing the envelop. This particular child will ask for the same thing a million times after I've given my answer. Even though I very seldom change my answer, and often state that I've already answered and am not going to change my mind, this particular child will keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on and keep on... (I think you get the idea.)

Lately, I've begun to stop this process. I will make it clear that I've answered the question, that is the final say on the matter and there will be negative consequences if the question is asked one more time. It has only taken a few times for the consequence to come with the words for me to get the process to stop mid stream.

"So harsh!" you may be thinking. But, I am reinforcing my God-given authority (which is ultimately important when they take the inevitable risk that puts them in major harms way - like walking out in the street, disappearing from our sight in a crowded area, just trying one joint, having unprotected sex - it is all connected) that puts safe boundaries around them until they are able to make greater and greater decisions on their own. If I don't establish that authority in the small things like respecting my answer on a requested activity, I won't have authority on the larger things as they get older.

So, as hard as it is to draw the line in the sand and maintain it, it is vital to effective, loving parenting. And if God has given us this authority, commanded us to let our words stand as they're said, then He will provide us with everything we need to do so.

Mommy Perseverance Part 2

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

The hard part of remembering the cloud of witnesses, throwing off what hinders us and the sin that entangles us is the perseverance part. We get tired. Or, at least, I do. I think that this is one quality of motherhood that is grossly overlooked and neglected. What we do every day - the race that is marked out for us - is not glorified and can be very tiresome. I know some moms who thrive on certain aspects of motherhood, but each of us faces our own challenges. Those are the areas we struggle to persevere in.

But, this race is marked out for us and it is of utmost importance. We are raising other human beings. We are to guide and direct them to become Christ-centered adults. It doesn't really matter to me what career my children choose, or what hobbies they take up, yet we spend the majority of our parenting time in these areas - education and entertainment through hobbies. For me, the ultimate goal is that my children live a life of obedience to Christ. I realize that this may mean sacrifice on my part and will most definitely mean sacrifice on their part, but it comes with the only rewards that matter: those that are eternal.

It's hard to see how changing diapers, cooking meals, washing clothes, cleaning house, and disciplining our children even when they disobey in the smallest of matters can make an eternal difference, but it does. It's how we do those things that makes the greatest impact on our children. If we have a heart for God and do everything unto Him, that will show. If we are diligent in the tasks we are given, the character traits we display will be more easily learned by our children.

So, when you get tired, when you get frustrated, when you get discouraged and are ready to give up, remember: God marked out this race for you and will equip you with everything you need to run it with perseverance. You simply have to trust in, rely on, and look to Him in and for everything.

Mommy Perseverance Part 1

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

This is one of those scriptures that I look at and think, "boy, that looks simple." But when I try to apply it to my life every day, day in and day out, I fail miserably. I forget what others have gone through despite times of strong faith. I get entagled - easily. And I get tired of running the race. Fortunately, I've learned never to give up. I may take some time to recover after falling off the provervial horse, but I do eventually get back up on it.

In this verse, it is pointed out that we as Christians are surrounded by witnesses to God's promises and faithfulness (I recently finished the book based on this verse by John Maxwell: Running with the Giants.) This statement comes after a listing of many of the prominent figures of faith in the old testament. A review of these individuals lives is encouraging, not only because of what God did in their lives and the testimony their stories are to His awesome character, but also because they are very much imperfect - just like me. When my tendency is to beat myself up, or mull over the most recent mistake I've made (in parenting or in life in general), the great cloud of witnesses remind me to return my focus to God, ask for His mercy, and get back on track.

Sin and other things do easily entangle us. The moment we're not on alert, they sneak up from behind and act like our friend. I think especially for us women who have hormones to deal with, we are vulnurable to letting the flesh take over. "I'm hormonal! Leave me alone!" we yell in one way or another. But this is not the Spirit of God talking, it is us allowing the flesh to take over and rule our lives. And no, thank you!! My hormones are too unstable. I do not want them to be in charge. Therefore, I must remind myself constantly to throw them off before they entangle me and cause me to fall into a trap of sin. That doesn't mean I don't feel my feelings. It simply means that I ask the Holy Spirit to take over and help me not to act on those feelings.

The Key to Patience

The first lesson I'll share is not the first parenting lesson God taught me, but one that has become essential to me. That lesson is how to have patience in parenting my children, the key to which is understanding my place as a fellow sinner.

Over the last several months I have prayed continually for God to show me how to love better and more effectively. What I thought I was asking for was for God to show me ways to love others - what gifts to give them, when to send a word of encouragement, etc. What He has been teaching me instead is that when I have an appropriate view of my self, as a sinner and as being completely forgiven, I will change the way I percieve and respond to others, becoming more loving in my thoughts and actions.

In 1 Timothy, Paul, the greatest New Testament missionary and evangelist, calls himself the chief of sinners. I never understood that, until I began to grow closer to God. It's like having a flashlight in a dark room. In a room with no other light, the flashlight looks bright and illuminates some things. But if you take that flashlight outside on a sunny day, the only light you see from it is by looking at the bulb itself. When you begin to see yourself in the light of God's holiness, the light you thought you had on your own fades into almost non-existence.

So what does this have to do with patient parenting? As I began to see myself as a "chief of sinners," I became more and more grateful for the grace and forgiveness God has poured out on me. And I began to see my children as fellow sinners. They weren't doing anything to intentionally antagonize me or hurt my feelings, they were simply behaving in the way any human does in a fallen world with fleshly desires. Just like me. So, if they're not doing anything I haven't done (all sin is rooted in disobedience, and I've been that plenty), then why should I not deal with them with patience? That doesn't mean that I don't consequence them, after all, God consequences us for our sins, but it changes the manner in which I do so.

Ephesians 4:25-27 says: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin"[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. What this means for me as a mom is that I am not to discipline my children in anger (no yelling, no mad face, no acting while the fire of being disobeyed is still in my belly), then I sin.

I believe this is one of the most difficult challenges for parents: to remove emotions from the disciplining process. But, it is essential for effective parenting. Especially if we want to raise our children to have faith in the one true God. We are the role model for God as parent. What they see in us, they will relate to God (especially if we claim faith in Him.) Therefore, I must ask myself every day whether I am being a good ambassador for Christ in the way I am parenting. I am not perfect, and I do not always do it the way I know I should. But, thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)